Tonight I was baptized at Riverlakes Community Church in Bakersfield California. In order to be baptized I had to participate in baptism classes and prepare a testimony to give in front of the church body. The following is the speech that I prepared but as I was getting ready for my turn I decided to give it from the heart. Hopefully I will be able to post the video of my actual baptism soon and you can see what I wanted to say and what it sounded like from the heart.
Baptism Speech
I grew up in a Christian family and we attended church regularly. As I got older, I became separated from Christ. I quickly latched on to societies’ definition of success and began the endless and unfulfilling pursuit of empty goals. Moreover, my definition of success for any one day could be anything and tomorrow I could be off to the races by a completely different definition. I have had a really interesting life; I have owned a couple of different companies, traveled a little, and had a relatively good life. Not too long ago, I went through a tough time in a difficult relationship that really made me question the way I was living my life. So I tried to remember the last time that I was truly happy, and happy being me but I could not remember when. With the support of close friends and especially my mom, I rekindled my relationship with God and Jesus Christ.
And this very moment is an example of what my life is like with Christ. Before I would have been bolting for the door or having a panic attack but I stand before you now professing my commitment and faith in Jesus Christ.
There are two difficult and important truths we have to understand in our lives. First, is that we have to learn to trust God explicitly. No matter what happens, God will never turn away from us and He will, if we let him, make us happy and successful. The second truth is that we will face many, many trials, and some of those trials will hurt us deeply, and in our moments of deepest despair, we have to remind ourselves that we will not turn away from He who loves us most. And I can attest to this personally, that in my darkest hour, I kept repeating to myself “I will not turn away”, I was delivered to the dawn of a new life. And what a beautiful day it was.
Today I live my life on God’s inspiration, peacefully waiting in the dark for Him to reveal the next step. There is no worldly pursuit that is so critically important anymore that supercedes waiting on God’s plan and spending time with friends. I wanted to be baptized today to demonstrate my commitment to my walk with Jesus Christ and as an affirmation that no matter how difficult life seems, I will never turn away.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is essential to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Holding on to negative experiences from the past hurts me, perpetuating the damage done by the original offense. What did Jesus have to say about forgiveness?
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV version).
But what does forgiveness actually mean? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, forgiveness means to “give up resentment of or claim to requital for” or to “cease to feel resentment against (an offender).” That sounds great, right? It sounds simple. Just give up a claim and to stop resenting the offender! No problem. Not exactly! Let’s first think about forgiveness as a process. It is a linear process, meaning it follows a straight line. In the ideal, from the offender or sinner’s perspective, it happens like this:
Confess -> Repent -> Request -> Accept
These sound like religious or “churchy” words, but what do they really mean?
Here are the definitions:
Confess = to acknowledge or admit
Repent = to feel regret
Request = to ask
Accept = to receive willingly
The result is that the event or issue is forgotten or at least not brought up again. That’s the ideal. It sounds great!!!! But in the human realm, the ideal is rarely achieved. Why? For major offenses, the human tendency is to skip the last step and make the process circular, rather than keeping it linear. It looks something like this:
Let’s look at an example. Suppose I intentionally stepped on Jenny’s foot. First I would need to realize I had done something wrong, then I would have to be willing to admit it. At that point I can enter the process by going to Jenny, telling her that I stepped on her foot intentionally and that I feel really bad about it and I can ask for her forgiveness. Assuming she forgives me, the ideal is for me to accept the forgiveness, let it go and move on. In the circular process, instead I would not believe that Jenny really forgave me and I would go back to telling her what I had done, in a slightly different way, like “no, really, I stepped on your foot on purpose and I’m really sorry. Please forgive me.” At that point Jenny may begin to be irritated that I have not just dropped the issue.
Following a circular process is destructive and unhealthy. While stepping on another person’s foot is an offense, when I think about the really big offenses or sins in my past, it is easy to be so horrified and overwhelmed with regret. Even if I have taken it to God in prayer, admitted what I’ve done, expressed my regret and remorse and asked His forgiveness, it is sometimes very difficult to reach the step of accepting forgiveness. Instead, when I recall the situation I tend to go right back to confess and start the process again. That grieves God’s heart. It shows we don’t actually believe Him. We don’t take Him at His Word.
But why do we do this? At the core, it is self-centeredness. We tend to think our own “stuff” is much worse than other’s stuff. We think our sin is too big, too awful or unforgiveable. In a sense, by not accepting God’s forgiveness, we are suggesting we are equal with God or beyond His ability to forgive. Rather than believing God’s promise, we are rebelling against Him.
So how do we accept forgiveness? It’s another linear process!
Believe->accept->let it go (if it comes into your thoughts, deny it space!)
Final suggestion:
Resist any temptation to let past sin influence your present….thoughts, feelings, or behavior.
Instead you are free to be who God created you to be!!!! Then we can more readily become the forgiver when others offend us (more on this later).
Luke 7:47-50
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."… verse 50 Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV version).
But what does forgiveness actually mean? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, forgiveness means to “give up resentment of or claim to requital for” or to “cease to feel resentment against (an offender).” That sounds great, right? It sounds simple. Just give up a claim and to stop resenting the offender! No problem. Not exactly! Let’s first think about forgiveness as a process. It is a linear process, meaning it follows a straight line. In the ideal, from the offender or sinner’s perspective, it happens like this:
Confess -> Repent -> Request -> Accept
These sound like religious or “churchy” words, but what do they really mean?
Here are the definitions:
Confess = to acknowledge or admit
Repent = to feel regret
Request = to ask
Accept = to receive willingly
The result is that the event or issue is forgotten or at least not brought up again. That’s the ideal. It sounds great!!!! But in the human realm, the ideal is rarely achieved. Why? For major offenses, the human tendency is to skip the last step and make the process circular, rather than keeping it linear. It looks something like this:
Let’s look at an example. Suppose I intentionally stepped on Jenny’s foot. First I would need to realize I had done something wrong, then I would have to be willing to admit it. At that point I can enter the process by going to Jenny, telling her that I stepped on her foot intentionally and that I feel really bad about it and I can ask for her forgiveness. Assuming she forgives me, the ideal is for me to accept the forgiveness, let it go and move on. In the circular process, instead I would not believe that Jenny really forgave me and I would go back to telling her what I had done, in a slightly different way, like “no, really, I stepped on your foot on purpose and I’m really sorry. Please forgive me.” At that point Jenny may begin to be irritated that I have not just dropped the issue.
Following a circular process is destructive and unhealthy. While stepping on another person’s foot is an offense, when I think about the really big offenses or sins in my past, it is easy to be so horrified and overwhelmed with regret. Even if I have taken it to God in prayer, admitted what I’ve done, expressed my regret and remorse and asked His forgiveness, it is sometimes very difficult to reach the step of accepting forgiveness. Instead, when I recall the situation I tend to go right back to confess and start the process again. That grieves God’s heart. It shows we don’t actually believe Him. We don’t take Him at His Word.
But why do we do this? At the core, it is self-centeredness. We tend to think our own “stuff” is much worse than other’s stuff. We think our sin is too big, too awful or unforgiveable. In a sense, by not accepting God’s forgiveness, we are suggesting we are equal with God or beyond His ability to forgive. Rather than believing God’s promise, we are rebelling against Him.
So how do we accept forgiveness? It’s another linear process!
Believe->accept->let it go (if it comes into your thoughts, deny it space!)
Final suggestion:
Resist any temptation to let past sin influence your present….thoughts, feelings, or behavior.
Instead you are free to be who God created you to be!!!! Then we can more readily become the forgiver when others offend us (more on this later).
Luke 7:47-50
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."… verse 50 Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."
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