Forgiveness

Forgiveness is essential to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Holding on to negative experiences from the past hurts me, perpetuating the damage done by the original offense. What did Jesus have to say about forgiveness?

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV version).

But what does forgiveness actually mean? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online, forgiveness means to “give up resentment of or claim to requital for” or to “cease to feel resentment against (an offender).” That sounds great, right? It sounds simple. Just give up a claim and to stop resenting the offender! No problem. Not exactly! Let’s first think about forgiveness as a process. It is a linear process, meaning it follows a straight line. In the ideal, from the offender or sinner’s perspective, it happens like this:

Confess -> Repent -> Request -> Accept

These sound like religious or “churchy” words, but what do they really mean?
Here are the definitions:

Confess = to acknowledge or admit
Repent = to feel regret
Request = to ask
Accept = to receive willingly

The result is that the event or issue is forgotten or at least not brought up again. That’s the ideal. It sounds great!!!! But in the human realm, the ideal is rarely achieved. Why? For major offenses, the human tendency is to skip the last step and make the process circular, rather than keeping it linear. It looks something like this:


Let’s look at an example. Suppose I intentionally stepped on Jenny’s foot. First I would need to realize I had done something wrong, then I would have to be willing to admit it. At that point I can enter the process by going to Jenny, telling her that I stepped on her foot intentionally and that I feel really bad about it and I can ask for her forgiveness. Assuming she forgives me, the ideal is for me to accept the forgiveness, let it go and move on. In the circular process, instead I would not believe that Jenny really forgave me and I would go back to telling her what I had done, in a slightly different way, like “no, really, I stepped on your foot on purpose and I’m really sorry. Please forgive me.” At that point Jenny may begin to be irritated that I have not just dropped the issue.

Following a circular process is destructive and unhealthy. While stepping on another person’s foot is an offense, when I think about the really big offenses or sins in my past, it is easy to be so horrified and overwhelmed with regret. Even if I have taken it to God in prayer, admitted what I’ve done, expressed my regret and remorse and asked His forgiveness, it is sometimes very difficult to reach the step of accepting forgiveness. Instead, when I recall the situation I tend to go right back to confess and start the process again. That grieves God’s heart. It shows we don’t actually believe Him. We don’t take Him at His Word.

But why do we do this? At the core, it is self-centeredness. We tend to think our own “stuff” is much worse than other’s stuff. We think our sin is too big, too awful or unforgiveable. In a sense, by not accepting God’s forgiveness, we are suggesting we are equal with God or beyond His ability to forgive. Rather than believing God’s promise, we are rebelling against Him.
So how do we accept forgiveness? It’s another linear process!
Believe->accept->let it go (if it comes into your thoughts, deny it space!)

Final suggestion:

Resist any temptation to let past sin influence your present….thoughts, feelings, or behavior.
Instead you are free to be who God created you to be!!!! Then we can more readily become the forgiver when others offend us (more on this later).

Luke 7:47-50
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."… verse 50 Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."